the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
