the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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