first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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