My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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