You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
