Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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