would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
