just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
