someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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