Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
