Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
