Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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