i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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