you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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