I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
