Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
