she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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