That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
