dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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