Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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