when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
