why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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