Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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