The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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