my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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