so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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