sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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