All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
