I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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