Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you win again, gameday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
