That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
