I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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