You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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