Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're so nebulous sometimes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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