You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
