Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
