forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
