I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
