What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
