do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize