She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
