he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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