i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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