Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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