you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
