So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
