Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
