I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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