i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
