i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
