Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
