Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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