im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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