I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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