Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
