Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
