bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
