i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
