Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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