it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
