I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
