my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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