Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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