this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
