If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
