Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
