how can u be prego again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
a search helicopter?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
