My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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