hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
