talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
