Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
