I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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