at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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