u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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