Your dad touched me again.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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