you guys were way drunker than both of me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
someone owes me an orgasm
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
