If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
