3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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