am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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