I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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