and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm both gender and math confused
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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