TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
