I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love you. Go after that dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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