There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
