I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
