I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
