apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
